12 Lessons Young Men MUST Learn (that school doesn't teach)
Because school will only get you so far.
Negotiation Skills
Like it or not we’re all negotiators.
You’re going to have to negotiate with your family, your wife, your kids, your boss, everyone. But, nobody teaches you how to negotiate. How to speak to someone in a manner that helps you come to a mutually beneficial agreement for the both of you.
If you don’t know how to negotiate — how to take a position, defend it, and negotiate for a good outcome — you will be walked all over.
How to Make Money
School is great for teaching you how to get and keep a job.
Problem is, that’s only one way to make money. There are literally infinite ways to make money and create multiple incomes for yourself. This doesn’t mean you need to become a serial entrepreneur driving flashy cars and yelling empty buzz words like ‘hustle & grind’.
But it does mean you can easily make a few thousand more per month on the side.
This gives you financial stability, and financial stability equals freedom. More on this in other articles.
Diet
The standard American diet (SAD) is just that — sad.
Unfortunately, schools push the food pyramid like it’s gospel. Now of course everyone is different — some people will do better with some foods than others — but a good place to start is by using this simple rule.
If it has an ingredients list, don’t eat it.
This means if whatever you’re going to put in your mouth doesn’t exist in nature in the form you will consume it, don’t eat it. So much of our food is filled with trash preservatives, sweeteners, and other garbage that may be deemed ‘safe’ but isn’t good for human consumption.
If it’s not in nature, don’t eat it.
Communication Skills
This is similar to the point about negotiation, but perhaps more fundamental.
Being able to negotiate is one thing, but that presupposes that you know how to communicate your point to someone else. Over the last couple years I’ve helped hundreds (maybe thousands) of firefighter candidates crush their interview.
Their problem?
They struggled to communicate clearly and effectively because they were never taught how to do it. Once you understand some basic concepts, clean yourself up, and think through what you want to say you’ll become much better at communicating.
Pro Tip: Wanna know the simplest and quickest way to improve your communication skills? Learn to write. More on that in a minute…
Resilience
Life can be hard.
The amount of suffering people deal with on a daily basis is both incredible and heartbreaking. But there are few people out there who teach you how to have healthy outlets.
Most of the advice out there is to sit down with someone who knows nothing about you and spill your guts. That may work for some people, but I know many men, including myself who aren’t comfortable with that.
Men bond through adversity and challenge.
Find yourself a group of men who are looking to overcome challenges. This can be business, personal, fitness, or really anything else. Confronting obstacles and overcoming them together builds resilience over time.
Voluntary exposure to hardship is the only proven way to build resilience.
Basic Parenting/Child Care
The greatest joy in the world is having children.
It’s difficult, but everything worthwhile is. Anyone who tells you differently is lying to you.
However, too many men are ill equipped when it comes to raising children. If you’re like me, you had no idea how to even change a diaper or swaddle a blanket.
You’ll figure it out, but it’s good to know the basics before baby comes.
Group Dynamics
Fitting in with a new group can be daunting.
But unless you plan on staying in your house forever (which I don’t recommend) you’ll need to learn how to fit in and work with others. There’s a lot to write on this so I’ll dedicate another article specifically to this, but here’s the core of it.
It’s your job as the new guy to assimilate to the group — not the other way around.
This is why many organizations will give preference to former athletes and veterans. They know that if you played sports (particularly team sports at a high level) or you were in the service you know how do to things:
1. Fit in with a new group, and
2. Do so while working toward a common goal.
Fire departments love to hire veterans and former athletes — and no — it’s not because of ‘bro culture’ or whatever other nonsense you hear out there.
It’s because they know you possess one of the hardest intangible skills to teach.
How to Write
I went to a private college prep high school and have multiple degrees from different universities.
You would think with all this ‘education’ someone would have told me the reason why it’s important to learn how to write.
Nope.
What I did learn is a bunch of grammar and citation rules (which are important), but don’t get at the true meaning of writing.
Writing is the most fundamental form of human communication — learn how to do it properly and your life will change for the better.
Self Defense
Getting punched in the face is a formative experience all young men should have at some point.
No, I’m not advocating for violence. What I am advocating for is young men who are capable and competent to protect themselves and the people they care about.
Unfortunately, our society has become stunningly disrespectful towards one another and there are far too many people who will gladly cross boundaries for internet clout.
These disrespectful acts are usually done by men with no strong father figure in their life (aka fatherless behavior).
This doesn’t mean you need to be a MMA champion, but you need to know the basics, how to fall, how to throw a punch, how to block, etc.
Fatherless behavior will always exist and if you’re unable or unwilling to learn how to defend yourself you will be walked on by those who are.
How To Say “No”
Saying no is the greatest productivity hack in the world.
People will constantly try to steal your time, and unless you’re willing to say no you will be a slave to other people’s priorities. Learning to say no comes from being clear on what you want from your work, relationships, and life in general.
Once you get clarity, saying no becomes 100x easier.
Making Yourself Attractive
This means more than what you think.
When we want something, we usually try to put our best foot forward. But unless you’ve learned how to do this you may be feeling lost. Again, this will probably have its own article dedicated to it, but just know you will need to make yourself ‘attractive’ in a number of different ways.
A good place to start is with the basics.
If you’re overweight, get it together. I don’t care what society (or social media) tells you — in most cases obesity is indicative of poor health and lack of confidence.
Learn the basics of interpersonal communication. Learn how to speak to people and look them in the eye.
Develop some skills. There’s never been an easier time in history to develop skills that people will pay you for. Remember what I said earlier, you need skills to make money — once you do that a lot of opportunities will open.
Don’t dress like a slob. Spongebob sweatpants and monster slippers are unacceptable. How you present yourself will have an enormous impact on how people perceive you.
That’s clearly not an exhaustive list, but a good place to start for many men.
Gratitude
Unfortunately the internet ‘gurus’ have hijacked the practice of gratitude.
Gratitude isn’t just something you do for 10 minutes in the morning with a journal, or something you say right before you gorge yourself at Thanksgiving. Part of having gratitude is the realization that life can be brutally difficult for so many and to appreciate the little things we have.
Gratitude and presence go hand in hand. Practice one and you’ll get good at the other.
You got this.