#21 How to Take A Loss
The best way to move on after defeat.
Losing sucks.
And if you’ve never lost at anything, chances are you’re not trying hard enough.
But when you do lose, and inevitably you will, how should you handle it?
Instead of doing what most people do — desperately looking for reasons as to why your loss was undeserved — what would be the best framework to really examine your loss?
I recently took a pretty big L.
Something I was really banking on after years of work fell through. I won’t go into the details right now, but suffice to say I was pretty bummed, frustrated, angry, etc.
But what I realized about losing — and really failure in general — is that there is really only one beneficial way to view failure.
Here it is:
Step 1: How did you contribute to the loss?
Tough question.
Not because it’s hard to ask, but because the amount of humility required to genuinely ask yourself how you contributed to your failure is enormous.
Humility is tough even in good times, but add to it the pain of failure, it’s a monumental task.
This is also a great question to ask when you find yourself in a disagreement with a loved one.
I’ve found that if you genuinely care about the relationship, the absolute best thing you can do is approach the other person with humility.
Humility that they may know something you don’t.
Humility that your perspective may not be the “right” perspective.
Humility that you may be blind to your own shortcomings.
I’ve found that if you approach your failures in life and relationships with humility you’ll greatly increase your opportunities and later success.
Step 2: What can you do differently?
No, not what someone else should do differently so you can later do something differently. (I’ve fallen into this trap many times).
What can you do differently, right now?
Maybe it’s try harder.
Maybe it’s to admit you were wrong or delusional.
Maybe it’s both.
Or, maybe it’s just giving it time.
Whatever it is, the amount of things that you can actually do are limited.
I’ve found that if my attention focuses on me rather than the 101 reasons for my loss, my opportunities for later success increase.
And that’s it, the simple, but definitely not easy formula for taking a loss.
It’s a struggle.
It’s hard and uncomfortable.
But as a guy who has failed more times than I can count — I’m confident this is the best, and only, way to avoid the lure of resentment and move forward in a positive manner.