#017 How to Prevent A Miserable Life

A simple thank you is not enough.

Remember as a kid sitting around the table at Thanksgiving and being forced to say what you’re thankful for?

If you’re anything like me you’d usually come up with something brilliant like, “I’m thankful for soccer.” I’m still trying to figure out what that even means. 

But this brings up an important question:

Why should you be grateful? 

You hear it constantly – from every self help guru, spiritual leader, and celebrity bragplaining on social media. 

Hell, there’s even something called a gratitude journal. 

We live in a world with unimaginable suffering, and your life, or the life of your loved ones can end in a flash, without warning. 

So why not take what you can get without remorse?

Earlier this week I had coffee with a mentor and dear friend, and she got me thinking about the importance of being grateful for what we have. 

As far as I can tell there are two reasons why it’s important to practice gratitude. 

First, it guards against a miserable life.

Have you ever worked with that guy that’s a perpetual complainer? 

The guy who gets an unexpected present and is disgruntled because it was the wrong color, or some other stupid reason?

That’s what kids do. 

That guy is a grown up baby.

Nobody likes that guy, nobody respects that guy, and nobody wants to be around that guy. 

Don’t be that guy. 

Second, it’s the only antidote to true suffering. 

One of the most awful things I’ve ever witnessed was a 23 year old man committing suicide – in front of his mother. 

If you’re a parent, take a second – let that sink in. 

Put yourself in her shoes for a moment. 

She literally watched her son kill himself. 

I never actually met her, but I still think about her from time to time. As a parent, I really can't think of anything worse — the nightmare of all nightmares. 

Next day?

Next week? 

Next month?

How do you get past that? 

I truly don’t know how you would move on. 

And, if you did, how you aren’t suffering from chronic depression, resentment, and misery is beyond me. 

So if you’re her, you may not be burning in a lake of fire, but you’re in hell. You’re suffering day in and day out, day after day after day. 

But, maybe you’re not her. 

Maybe you’re dealing with a more garden variety of suffering – bad marriage, addiction issues, mental health issues, chronic health issues, self loathing, you name it. 

What should you do first?

Be grateful at the lowest level possible. What does this mean for you? 

Maybe your marriage is on the rocks. 

Can you think of one positive attribute about your spouse?

Just one.

I bet if you did that, and really thought hard, you would come up with something. Do that day after day and see what happens.

Maybe you’re in chronic pain?

Can you still get outside and see the sunshine? Might not seem like much, but ask someone who is holed up in a nursing home or prison for a long time what they wouldn’t give to feel the sun. 

There’s a Latin saying that’s popular with the Stoics, Memento Mori – it means, remember that you have to die. 

I’d like to propose a variation of Memento Mori.

Memento Pati. (Google translate says Pati is Latin for “suffering” so I’m going with it)

But, seriously in life you will also suffer. 

Maybe a little, maybe a lot, but either way, it will happen. 

So what will you do? 

Will you become bitter and resentful and tear down everyone and everything around you? 

You might, and your bitterness may even be justified. 

But the better route is to look for the dimmest light possible in the darkness. 

You got this.