#007 The Simple Reason You'll Never Get Ahead
Uninformed Optimism → Informed Pessimism → The Valley of Despair.
“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.”
– George Addair
In 2017, I ran the Cleveland marathon.
For a few weeks I trained regularly, but shortly thereafter my training tapered off to one or two short runs per week – definitely not marathon prep.
About a week before the race I decided I wasn’t going to run it. I hadn’t been training, I didn’t want to get hurt, and the other people who signed up to run it with me had bailed weeks earlier.
The night before the race my fiancé at the time (now my wife) and I went out to get tacos and drinks. Mind you, I don’t drink at all so even a drink or two will give me a ripping hangover.
At this point, I had all but forgotten that the race was the next morning, but when we got home I couldn’t really sleep. I found myself wide awake, staring at the ceiling at about 4:30 in the morning.
I was so bothered by the fact that I had quit on myself that I literally couldn’t sleep.
So, I rolled over, woke up my wife, and told her I was going downtown to run the race.
After all, I was a former professional athlete. I didn’t need to train, hydrate, eat, or sleep properly for a marathon.
How hard could it really be?
I did what every high level athlete does before a big competition; I went to the gas station, bought a 5 hour energy and a bottle of water, and off I went – out of shape, full of tacos, and hungover.
Pro Tip: Never – and I mean NEVER – eat Mexican food before running a marathon.
I showed up downtown and there were hundreds of people milling around with nervous excitement. As I looked around at the other people running I felt even more confident in my lack of preparation.
I thought, this would be easy, if these people could run a marathon I could too, no preparation (or hydration) necessary.
The first few miles were great, lots of excitement and adrenaline, lots of people around, and just cruising through the city having a great time.
Then around mile 5 or 6 it hit me – I still had 20+ miles to go.
Suddenly, the fun and adrenaline wore off and I quickly realized that the lack of training was a big mistake.
No worries though, I had trained much harder than this in the past, and had overcome bigger obstacles. I had this.
Fast forward to about mile 12 or 13 and it was just me – alone with my thoughts – jogging through the Valley of Despair.
I’m pretty sure between mile 12 and 22 I was in more physical pain than I’ve ever been in my entire life.
Muscles I didn’t even know I had were cramped up, and it took everything in me not to destroy my shorts from the tacos and beer that I had consumed less than 10 hours prior.
But, no matter what, I told myself I would not stop running. I was committed.
Then, like magic, shortly after mile 22 came and went, it was like a weight had been lifted. Everything still hurt, and my stomach was in knots, but it suddenly got easier.
And, from that point on I felt like I was on auto-pilot.
I probably looked like the guys running back to base in the final scene of Black Hawk Down (sorry if you don’t get the reference), but I did it, and I learned my lesson.
Regardless of the endeavor, we all go through the same few stages on our way to achievement.
Phase 1: Uninformed Optimism (Mile 1-6)
The grass is always greener on the other side, right?
At least, it always appears that way.
Whenever we set out to do something new, or conquer some goal, we go in eyes wide open and excited.
I’m not even saying this is a bad thing. In fact, I would argue it’s necessary.
We need to be overly optimistic at the beginning of any big goal. Otherwise, we may not even attempt something so bold and difficult.
Phase 2: Informed Pessimism (Mile 6-12)
The grass usually isn’t greener on the other side.
Said differently, our initial perceptions probably aren't reality.
Informed pessimism is the stage you enter once you reach that “other side” and realize that the grass really isn’t all that green–that maybe popping a 5 hour energy with a belly full of tacos could lead to disaster.
In this stage, we realize that most job applications go unanswered, or your new boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't actually walk on water, or maybe you just finished week 1 of 14 in organic chemistry this semester.
We’ve all been here, and if we’re mature enough we learn to take the good with the bad. But, unfortunately, it gets worse.
Enter phase three.
Phase 3: The Valley of Despair (Mile 12-22)
Depending on who you’re listening to there are many terms for this phase–valley of despair, the dip, crash and burn, etc.
No matter what you call it, it always feels bad.
You’ve been working and working, spending hours studying, trying to be the best boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife you can possibly be and you’re getting absolutely nowhere.
This is precisely when most people give up, find something new, and go back to phase one.
You dump your boyfriend/girlfriend (because you're perfect, and it's always their fault)...
You drop out of school (because school is stupid and you're the next Steve Jobs)...
You quit your business for a new "7 figure side hustle" (because crypto trading is going to the moon, bro)...
And so on.
I’ve found myself here countless times in a variety of different ways. Here’s what I’ve found helps.
Honest Self Reflection. Usually, I’ve found that the problem is me. Maybe I’m not studying or training as hard as I should, maybe I’m being selfish in my relationships, or maybe I just need to suck it up and push through. Whatever the reason, my inadequacies are usually the culprit.
Re-Evaluation. Maybe you really aren’t the cause. Maybe this isn’t the right fit for you. If that’s the case you should allow yourself to quit only if your next endeavor is objectively more difficult. In other words, not dropping out of school to “find yourself.”
This is what people mean when they say the journey is more important than the outcome.
The person you become when you commit to the actions necessary to succeed is more important than the outcome itself.
Once you master gutting through the valley of despair you can push through anything.
Just remember, the first step towards facing your fear doesn’t mean there’s no more battles. Trust me, you’ll soon be slogging your way through the valley of despair desperately fighting the urge to give up.
Stick with it, because this is exactly where you’ll pull ahead of the pack.
Question:
Are you guilty of quitting in the valley of despair? If so, what actions should you commit to in your new/current endeavor to keep you from repeating the same mistake?
You got this.